Land of Won-derland

I pick up the few pieces of life

Remainder got lost in time

Some were full of laughter

Some were full of sorrow

With these in my pocket

I set out

For a new game in crazyland

Some call it a land of destiny

Some say it’s full of freaks

But they do not know yet

That I am a juggler of loss

I juggle loss in my hands

People clap when they are amused

And leave when the show’s over

The more I make other’s laugh

More I get imprisoned in the land of grief

Sometimes it drags me

In the deep potholes of sadness

And there’s no coming back

So like all others

I am here to try my un-luck

Maybe it’ll turn around

I walk up to the entrance

A large clown waits for me up there

Across the dias he waits

He calls for the ticket

I have none

There he towers upon me

In his attire of black and white

He represents life

We all have our whites and blacks

How magical he looks

When he shows me his

Enchanting smile

He says’ “Welcome , Madame”

“ Enter here to try your luck

Many a people have walked past me

Some got lucky . Some got failed.

Some got light. Some got darkness.

Come and try your luck.

Come with nothing. Leave with abundance.

Live life fully. Believe in yourself.

Attain the highest pursuit of happiness.,

But there is one thing you should always remember forever”

Me with just a bag of knick-knacks

Asked, “What should I remember?

O! Lord of the mighty gates”

He said, “such reverence is never heard of,

Behold, O Traveller,

Be wary of hypocrisy and wickedness

It’l try to seize you

From right and left and centre,

And when you are not looking

It might attack you from above

When everything seems bright

It might crack open a hole

Beware, O! Stranger

They often wander with the claims

Of a perfect world, a perfect life

Don’t fall in their traps

You may find them

Luring you with their honey laced promises

Going to the moon, giving you glittering stars

They might try to stray you from your path

But do not lose your aim

Keep this diktat in mind

Lo & Behold you go

Go after your destiny, wanderlust.

He opened the majestic gates

A blinding light flashed upon me

From hence I could see none  

Sometimes..

Sometimes I thought that I would have a heart attack

But I had none

I thought I would die

But hades never came from the underworld

I thought that I would split apart from the piercing pain

But here I am in one piece

I thought that I would kill myself

But my heart is still beating

I thought that I would run away

But I am still sitting in my house

I thought that I wouldn’t eat

But I haven’t starved yet

I thought that I would cry my eyes out

But all my tears have dried away

I thought that my heart will stop

But it still is beating

I thought that I would have a brain hemorrhage

But my brain is still functional

I thought that I would be alone

But alas it came true. 

Falling apart

Clutching my heart

Hope it never falls apart

Hope it never bleeds again

Hope it never breaks again

It is hard to explain

With the clock ticking away

I can feel

My faint breath failing

Waiting to be rescued

By the one I love

Would he or wouldn’t he

Is the question

To which I have no answer to;

Crippling me from the inside

This love demands no more

Why the seed ever planted

When it wanted to grow no more

Gripped with fear and pain

Will I fail this time too?

Ticking trickling clock

Bleeding heart is all I have

Will he ask for more?

Empty are the drawers

Shadows are ghosts

Dried are the tears

Hollow are the emotions

I feel nothing no more

Perplexed and confused I am

With the huge baggage on my shoulder

Where should I leave the burden?

Which bends me everyday

Striving to live

Learning to forget

Is this want I wanted leave everything apart

I don’t wanna be lonely anymore.

Walking down the memory lane

Beautiful memories that we created;

Long walks along the rows of trees

Flowers that you placed in my hair

Teardrops you kissed from my cheekbones

Pain that you wiped away

Cracked a smile when I was down

Gave me love galore when I asked for none

Held me tight when I needed

Became my shield when I got hurt

Removed stones from my way

You got lost in my love

Didn’t knew wrong from right

Shielded me from the entire world

You were my world

I was yours

Saw the whole galaxy in your eyes

Your pain would shudder me throughout

Your pain was my painkiller.

Hoping and Wishing

H

ospitals are one of the most happiness wrenching place. I can only get sad whenever I go there. Whenever anybody goes past with anomalies or some serious accident case I get the goose bumps. Such depravities and so many people shifted out of their happy homes and made to struggle against the bad times. Sometimes I think how much pain they are in and what all stories are attached to them. From where do these people and their families derive the courage to fight back? Only few can muster the courage and go against all odds and fight for their rightful place in the world.  I don’t need a reminder in lieu of a serious mishap. But we people do take things for granted. I once saw a girl coming out of the examination hall with me and had some problem with her leg; at that point I was so ashamed of myself. I have both of my legs in the right position and I just don’t respect them.

At that point of time I was so thankful to God that he didn’t made me suffer so much and each of my pain were meager as compared to hers. And may god be grateful to her and may all her wishes be granted.

Life is a box of chocolates, we never know what we are going to get. A few moments are sweet, some of some bitter but that is what makes life worth living. 

Books-My First Love

B

ooks. I have loved books since I was a kid. They always have been my best friend. Went with me through the various countries, slipped past the dunes of time. Who says we can’t travel time, I have been in the centuries that I have liked. They have scared me, taught me love, have betrayed me. Made me sob, unraveled mysteries of the unknown. I still remember the day I held in my hand the first most beautiful book on this earth. I was around 6 years old and was in 2^nd grade. It was our first day in school. We got our time table and voila! Our 3^rd period was of library. 

Labyrinths of unknown and dusty books waiting for us to wipe out the dust and read them to our hearts content. The sacred place where only the big kids could go. That meant I was a big girl too. I felt proud to have grown up to glide away to the library and sit where only the big kids where allowed. I could sense the pride glowing inside me.

I just couldn’t wait to see the mystic library. Bell tolled. The time had come .We were made to fall in line. Noisy kids that we were. Some in line. Some just excited to be outside the class on any pretext. And some like me who were just happy to be finally able to walk the walk towards the alley that leads to the library.

We entered. The library seemed much bigger ‘cos we were much smaller. I got a seat quietly and observed where the books were and when we were going to get them. Other kids were just happy chattering way, but not me. I grew impatient every passing minute. Every minute devoid of the books was pinching my heart. Our teacher told us to write a paragraph on “My school”.

There was no happiness left now in this world … I didn’t have watch then. But time was going to be up any time. But what about my dreams. Did nobody saw the anxiety swirling inside me?

Howsoever, God is always kind. In a carton full of books, there came our teacher distributing us the books. I was so impatient. Why did I have to sit so away from where the teacher was distributing. What if I got nothing and the books got finished and left me. Staring at everybody while they have a gala time reading and mocking me. It would be just so much for me to engulf. I wanted to snatch the books away from everybody. Maybe I had become a devil. The wait had brought the devil inside me. I wanted to wipe out the smile out of every kid.

Just then a brain wave came. I asked madam whether I could fish out a book for myself from another box. Would she understand me and give the privilege. To my immense happiness she said in the affirmative. My hands were shaking. Was this the end of my dreams, would I get what I wanted.

Just then I saw a book withering away in the corner, it seemed as if it was asking for my help. I picked it up and wiped out the dust of its cover. It was titled “The match girl”. Slowly I opened it. It was the most beautiful book I had ever come across. Full of beautiful illustrations and some words that I didn’t even understand. I was basking in my own happiness. My golden book and the golden words- it somehow made me complete. I had found my best friend. The moment is what I still cherish now. The beauty made my eyes water. It was mine. I found it when nobody cared. The girl with the big eyes had bagged my interest. I saw myself in her.

Suddenly my trance broke and one of my friend shouted, “Hey! Look what she has found. Let’s go and have look”. My heart skipped a beat. They were coming to come between us and take this book away from me.They always do. what else could be done? They came, they shrieked, they snatched and I was left alone with the empty dusty carton with me.

Everybody pouring over the book with the girl with big eyes. And me sulking away in a corner. I endeavored that now I would always run towards the library and always get this book and hide it for the next time and would read it all. From that day onwards that book became somewhat of a royalty with us kids fighting to get hold of it. Since that day onwards, I have been an ardent lover of books and still I am.